Friday, August 19, 2005

Faktis

in case of mistakes, we're provided with an eraser. in the pencil's case, it's the faktis that erases for it. In our case, they said it's gods love because of the fact that he'll forgive however great the sin is. anyway, we had our retreat last wednesday up to this morning at bukal ng tipan, taytay. we did lots of talks, bonding, eating and sleeping not to mention that our schedule was in line with ICA seniors. unfortunately, we were forbidden to interact, rather, to make the first move 'cause our facilitators said they are very sensitive, too rich and high class for us and snob so we don't have a chance. plus the schedule was arranged on purpose in a way that its impossible for the 2 groups to communicate. of course we didn't give up that easy. mac laid a note in the garden addressed to ICA and their cell #s on the back. the next break the letter was gone, replaced by a very fragrant hairpin which my roommates endeavored. with raised eyebrows and smiling lips we thought "really, they don't look sensitive, maybe because they're really not. maybe the facilitators are just playing with us, maybe with them too." the session about the parable of the pencil continued with some SMC students imagining those flawless chinese girls of san juan.

i really wasn't serious at all, just joining in the fun and risks was enough for me. Back to the session we had a talk, debate actually, about the problem concerning students considered outcasts as an individual in the classroom and the rest as a group. we finally got the ultimate reason why we tease and hurt others emotionally in SMC: just for fun, its in our ego and if you don't wanna ride with it, then you're the one outcasting yourself. some misunderstandings were clarified and we knew each other more.

we also left a note with our numbers written on it in the confession area the moment we left the place 'cause the ICA are gonna occupy the room next. when the last session was over, we were given free time and we checked the note we left and it was gone. i dunno where it is but its kewl if someone gorgeous from their group had an interest in that paper that speaks our desperation. next we just roamed...went to the overlooking, balcony, garden and to the other dorms then slept.

what i didn't like about the ICA nuns is that how they reacted in front of us, well if what our teacher said is true. three boys from SMC were told to go up to the 3rd floor, the ICAs floor, to get their fans, nonetheless, their rooms are fully airconditioned, not like ours. the girls didn't have any reaction at all but the nuns looked at them from head to toe with one eye-brow raised as if they were very low-classed persons. just because 3 boys and our facilitator kuya Andy went up to get electric fans, a complaint was made by the nuns. now there is something very wrong there. wheres our dignity in that? just because were men doesnt mean that we drewl for girls and rape them the very moment they get clode to us. it should be vice versa...haha joke. we are civilized and disciplined and we respect and believe in socialization.

the next day a mass was held and we ate breakfast, had our last moments there and went home. i must say i had fun in this experience and learned some new things but it wasn't what i expected. none of the activities was deep and touching enough to make me cry but SMC bonded a lot, thats whats important.
Chad || 10:59 AM

Friday, August 05, 2005

Function and Relation

i know this couple who aren't getting along very well. jutes told me his story about his undefined relationship with his gf mary jane and that they were in conflict with too much complicated things, in which there were very unreliable and wronged judgements. i was left with the question: what is the function and relation? they were so in love with each other but NOT in love with the things that made each person to be himself. what is love? your lover? your purpose with one another? its really simple actually. absolution for one another, like an extension of your own selves. you do not be with someone who will cause your degradation, obviously. you wanna be with someone whom you understand in terms of being together.

in jutes' case, mary jane whines that she makes all the efforts, ashamed of herself doing that and couldn't see his efforts for her while jutes kinda feels the same way too (without showing it though), but they still love each other as they claimed.

so whats the problem? when one wants to talk the other doesn't, one opens up and the other doesnt want to talk, one blames it all and the other accepts the blame and just puts himself down even though theres hardly proof, they are opposites of one another and only took interest in their mind's fantasies not considering the reality, such a tragedy.

invincible ignorance, involuntariness and indirect voluntariness could be the factors of their problems but they can't be the responsibility of one as they are acts of man, not human acts. whatever it is, whats important is the intention right? as long as the intention of love is there, nothing can change youre path unless one is blinded, stuck in the past, and couldn't get over the things that already should be got over with. each should make a stand and understand each other more so they can know who they are loving inside, and make sacrifices not resulting to debts for the other, i mean sacrificing for the sake of sacrifice itself.

on my side i wont love someone whom i do not know nor have not yet spend too much time with. i never loved someone as my girlfriend 'cause no one has understood the real me nor that we had some special ekek moments. i am living for my romantic dream, not for someone whom i'll waste my time with, yet.
Chad || 6:09 PM

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Prequisite Things

i have such a busy and unfortunate sched, tommorow is our field trip but i wont be able to come cause of that upcat, but thats okay ill just make it up in the retreat. then after tommorow will be the anticipated upcat! 6:30am in the morning man, i gotta leave house 5am, so they say. i guess my predecessors are right telling me not to join the trip 'cause in mt. banahaw, hours of walking and hiking and tripping is all you'll do, not to mention getting wet in the rain, taking that 1000 step stairway back and forth, plus bathing in the ice cold lake for ritual purposes! bullshit...then you'll go home about 10 or 11, to wake up 4am with a hangover...man i ain't that eloquent. ill just study here in my home just like any good boy would do...darn...haha wednesday after that week will be school exams! whoohoo! doing that while practicing for the msal band presentation next monday...

but i guess everything will pay off after everything, a week of vacation! tuesday has no classes, then wednesday to friday will be our retreat! yeah hehe...things are prequisite, everything must be in equilibrium, transversally...nyaha
Chad || 6:45 PM